Are you angry?
An acquaintance asked me the other day if I was an angry person. Of course I said no, but now I wonder if that is true. Should I really tell my true feelings or hide them inside. Usually I hide them all inside, I cover it up by telling lots of other things to make up for the truth. Lately I have realized that I am really lonely. However, I don't know what I can to do to become not lonely. I wonder, if I lose weight, would I be happier, less lonely? Will moving to the UP make me more lonely or will it help? Will I truly miss DC? Could I truly be happy and not lonely here? Would dating someone help me be not lonely? This question has really been on my mind. It has been a long while since I have really dated anyone. Sure, I've been on dates and been with people, but I haven't really dated anyone in years. I miss having someone there. Should I solve my problems on my own though, without being dependent on having someone there to be happy? I look around and it seems like everyone is in a couple. My friends are married, engaged, having babies. And here I am....sure I'm not completely alone in my singleness, but it seems to be bothering me more than usual lately. I haven't written like this in years...I hate being vulnerable and putting my rather shallow thoughts out there for people to read. Thoughts are just building up though and I really need an outlet. If I lost weight would I find someone to be in a relationship with? What do I need to do to find happiness?
So many questions....never enough answers. Life is very overwhelming right now, though a break is welcomed, I fear the time I will have alone with my thoughts.
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Update:
Well things are finally getting busy here. I have a wonderful job at Ford's Theatre (where Lincoln was shot) I am the asst. House Manager, so it is pretty easy work, with great people. I can get homework done on the job too which is awesome. I've been working around 20 hrs a week there.
My money situation has finally worked itself out, the Dept. finally worked out my scholarship situation, and my assistantship is rather easy. My loans have all come through, and pretty soon I will finally be able to pay my rent ;)
My birthday was SO fun. I was worried that it was going to be lonely, but it wasn't. We had a party here, and although it wasn't huge, I had an amazing time and met a lot of new people. Including someone that I can practice my Finnish with. I also got a free sundae at Hard Rock after work, and hung out with Secret Service men at the VIP opening night at Ford's.
Classes are getting harder, lots of reading and papers to write. But it hasn't been too bad, I just need to get better about spreading it all out during the week.
I played the Gregson in a concerto competition today, and moved onto the finals. So I will be playing again tomorrow. It's rather amusing that I moved on, since I really haven't been practicing much, and my accompanist is rather horrible. Wish me luck, it would be really fun to play it with an orchestra.
Roommates have been good. There has been a little bit of tension between us. Mainly because one roommate is REALLY messy, and the other one is a little disrespectful and critical.
I still haven't found my niche in DC yet. I really just want to find a good hangout bar, or coffee shop....but we haven't found one yet. Hopefully we will find it soon. Though it is a little difficult, since I work til 10 every night on the weekends, and then if I take the metro I don't get home until 10:45, so I really need to plan ahead and bring a change of clothes to work, so I can just go out straight from there. I suppose I will fall into a routine.
I just found out about a workshop in NYC from Jan 2-12. It is the Orchestra Management workshop put on by ASOL. Adrien went last year and said it was an absolutely amazing experience. We'll see if I can get the 1900 for tuition, and fine someplace to stay in the city for those nights. That means that I probably won't be going home for christmas though. I am either going to Carol's for thanksgiving, or if I can find a cheap plane ticket I may try to go home. We'll see.....
well...I think that's all for now. later!
Well things are finally getting busy here. I have a wonderful job at Ford's Theatre (where Lincoln was shot) I am the asst. House Manager, so it is pretty easy work, with great people. I can get homework done on the job too which is awesome. I've been working around 20 hrs a week there.
My money situation has finally worked itself out, the Dept. finally worked out my scholarship situation, and my assistantship is rather easy. My loans have all come through, and pretty soon I will finally be able to pay my rent ;)
My birthday was SO fun. I was worried that it was going to be lonely, but it wasn't. We had a party here, and although it wasn't huge, I had an amazing time and met a lot of new people. Including someone that I can practice my Finnish with. I also got a free sundae at Hard Rock after work, and hung out with Secret Service men at the VIP opening night at Ford's.
Classes are getting harder, lots of reading and papers to write. But it hasn't been too bad, I just need to get better about spreading it all out during the week.
I played the Gregson in a concerto competition today, and moved onto the finals. So I will be playing again tomorrow. It's rather amusing that I moved on, since I really haven't been practicing much, and my accompanist is rather horrible. Wish me luck, it would be really fun to play it with an orchestra.
Roommates have been good. There has been a little bit of tension between us. Mainly because one roommate is REALLY messy, and the other one is a little disrespectful and critical.
I still haven't found my niche in DC yet. I really just want to find a good hangout bar, or coffee shop....but we haven't found one yet. Hopefully we will find it soon. Though it is a little difficult, since I work til 10 every night on the weekends, and then if I take the metro I don't get home until 10:45, so I really need to plan ahead and bring a change of clothes to work, so I can just go out straight from there. I suppose I will fall into a routine.
I just found out about a workshop in NYC from Jan 2-12. It is the Orchestra Management workshop put on by ASOL. Adrien went last year and said it was an absolutely amazing experience. We'll see if I can get the 1900 for tuition, and fine someplace to stay in the city for those nights. That means that I probably won't be going home for christmas though. I am either going to Carol's for thanksgiving, or if I can find a cheap plane ticket I may try to go home. We'll see.....
well...I think that's all for now. later!
Sunday, October 01, 2006
raise your hand if you're sure
If you comment on this post...
1. I’ll respond with something random about you.
2. I’ll challenge you to try something.
3. I’ll pick a color that I associate with you.
4. I’ll tell you something I like about you.
5. I’ll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I’ll tell you what animal,vegetable or mineral you remind me of.
7. I’ll ask you something I’ve always wanted to ask you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on yours.
As posted by Day and Lorn.
Just two so far....thank goodness, I didn't realize how hard this would be.
Lorn
1. I really like that you seem to make things good. Even if you move to a situation where you don't seem to like it at first, you make the best out of it, instead of mourning losses.
2. I challenge you this year, to really become the best trombone player ever. I was going to qualify that as woman tbone player, but it doesn't need a qualifier. I know it's always a constant goal for a musician, but really do it this year!
3. well....Earth tones, aren't really a color, but that's it.
4. I really admire that you are so open with your life. You always make me smile :)
5. I have the worst memory ever....but one of my memories of you, was the Valentine's Dance, and how you did such a good job of making me feel welcome and included always, even as a freshman :)
6. As predictable as it may be, I think of you as a cat. Adventurous, snuggly, comfortable, mysterious
7. How are you so confident?
Carol
1. I'm thinking of maybe coming up for Thanksgiving this year if you'll be around.
2. I challenge you to go out and do something artsy, go out for a night on the town a show or movie and a good dinner :)
3. Red for some reason...I don't think you wear a lot of red, but that's what pops in my head :)
4. I like that you are always so supportive. You're always there for mom or me or anyone in the family and I really appreciate it.
5. I don't know that I have a specific clear memory of you, but of your house, when we were living there and there was a diaper delivery service :)
6. Hmmm....tough question. Hmm, this might be odd, but a collie. It seems like you're a good rescuer. A Lassi of sorts, a friend in good and bad.
7. How do you find the strength to always keep going?
If you comment on this post...
1. I’ll respond with something random about you.
2. I’ll challenge you to try something.
3. I’ll pick a color that I associate with you.
4. I’ll tell you something I like about you.
5. I’ll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I’ll tell you what animal,vegetable or mineral you remind me of.
7. I’ll ask you something I’ve always wanted to ask you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on yours.
As posted by Day and Lorn.
Just two so far....thank goodness, I didn't realize how hard this would be.
Lorn
1. I really like that you seem to make things good. Even if you move to a situation where you don't seem to like it at first, you make the best out of it, instead of mourning losses.
2. I challenge you this year, to really become the best trombone player ever. I was going to qualify that as woman tbone player, but it doesn't need a qualifier. I know it's always a constant goal for a musician, but really do it this year!
3. well....Earth tones, aren't really a color, but that's it.
4. I really admire that you are so open with your life. You always make me smile :)
5. I have the worst memory ever....but one of my memories of you, was the Valentine's Dance, and how you did such a good job of making me feel welcome and included always, even as a freshman :)
6. As predictable as it may be, I think of you as a cat. Adventurous, snuggly, comfortable, mysterious
7. How are you so confident?
Carol
1. I'm thinking of maybe coming up for Thanksgiving this year if you'll be around.
2. I challenge you to go out and do something artsy, go out for a night on the town a show or movie and a good dinner :)
3. Red for some reason...I don't think you wear a lot of red, but that's what pops in my head :)
4. I like that you are always so supportive. You're always there for mom or me or anyone in the family and I really appreciate it.
5. I don't know that I have a specific clear memory of you, but of your house, when we were living there and there was a diaper delivery service :)
6. Hmmm....tough question. Hmm, this might be odd, but a collie. It seems like you're a good rescuer. A Lassi of sorts, a friend in good and bad.
7. How do you find the strength to always keep going?
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