I think I've figured out my bad mood as of late. I'm lonely--I've never really had to sleep alone here before this summer. I feel jealous of Kim, since she gets calls from people here to do stuff, when I never did, and I've known these people for 2-3 years, what is it about me that pushes people away? And of course then I get invited along, but I feel like a third wheel---or i suppose, technically, a fourth wheel since it is Andre and Chris...but whatever, i suppose I'm not skinny and cute, and that's what the guys here like, and of course all the girls that live here except me are gorgeous and skinny---and I get asked "are you becky's sister" when the oNLY thing similar about our appearances is the fact that both of us are overweight. Goddamnit! I don't like living by adam, I don't ever know what to do, I need to know that he doesn't like me anymore, so I can go on living and not guessing. I need a guy just to help me get over my dependance on him, but i suppose that isn't a solution, I need to be independent, but I miss snuggling, and kissing, and having someone there all the time for massages, hugs, and love. and now i'm making myself cry. Why can't I just be happy? How come all the great guys I know and love have to be taken, or gay, or far away? Why can't I just find one who'll be there for me. I have a need to be domestic, as much as it riles feminists, I love cooking, and cleaning, and having stuff there. I get to see Kathryn on Tuesday which will be nice. I hope others roadtrip out, I really REALLY need you....I miss you all so much. I love you :) Call me! I need company!