this is a haircut i might want...what do you think? 

Life.....

I've realized why summer gets to me so much. Normally during the school year I am always doing a million things, my To Do list is pages long, and although I get stressed out by it, I love it. And now in the summer, all I do is work and not work. It gets old REALLY FAST! Though this summer is very different then I expected, I thought it would be a lonely summer, but I've found people to chill with sometimes, and snuggle with at other times. That's what I really want though, some to just lie with. You know how great it is for someone to just hold you...so I'd really like that one of these days. I'm going to Madison from Saturday-Tuesday Night! So that is super exciting, I'm going to stay at Colleen's in Fitchburg, but I'm so excited to chill with people and just relax at home! I also need to move out and in, and get myself organized, hopefully take a few job interviews for the fall, I think I want to get out of the school of music, and maybe a restaurant or something else that will hopefully pay more. I think this is going to be a very expensive year....so I'll need money for it. I also want to do some roadtripping, though if gas prices go up like they're supposed to, I don't know if I'll actually be able to afford it. I hope everyone else's summers are going amazing, and I'm so excited to see everyone soon! If you'll be there this weekend, CALL ME! We'll have a party!

I'm really sick of always being tired here, I'm looking forward to an easy semester...which brings me to another thought, David wants me to be in his Form and Analysis class, though I think it would be really hard, and I don't know if I really want to have a class that I really have to work at...as slacker esque as that is, this is supposed to be my easy semester before I have to go into the real world.

Ok, i'm having trouble staying awake, so I may as well just go to sleep. Goodnight!

Scary dream...in a bulleted list
-Julie divorces Jason
-I see flashbacks from him fighting in some war
-Adam comes to Harbor
-He's coked out
-He tells me that he loves me
-I push him away

Not a scary monster kind of dream, but I woke up crying-- uncool.

hmmmm...i need to start liking guys who aren't projects. When i get back to Madison in the fall I want to start dating. Anyone have any friends? Today I was rather domestic, I volunteered at the humane society and walked a dog, and then I came home and picked a quart of raspberries from my yard. Then I went to my 2nd cater out this week, really wish I could have made more. But whatever...it's cash. 190 for 2 nights of ~7.5 hours total. I do have an itchy bugbite on my shoulder now :( I work at the club tomorrow for the first time since Tuesday lunch. I really can't wait to get back to school. As much as this hasn't been a bad summer, there's really been nothing good about it either, it's just sort of passing time. Watching family guy right now, I'm going to bed soon. I like another tv show now, Lost is so good. I really can't think in complete sentences right now. later.

this is my wonderful uniform at work 

Well Harbor Springs is good. It's just super chill as I don't drink often, and spend most of my time just hanging around home. Right now I'm sititng on the porch at Beachview in between shifts and waiting to eat and then go back to work for a giant cookout. I'm super tired and very glad to have the day off tomorrow, though I have no idea what I will do, as I have absolutely NO money...maybe find someone to go to the beach with. It'll be nice to get back to school with all the cool people and I'll be 21 soon after I get there!

For any of you bikers out there (Chris, Al) you really should come out here, I have a great ride for you if you do, it's absolutely gorgeous.

The weather is super gorgeous, wish i didn't have to work in it though, I'd rather be floating down the river.

People here are mostly ok, I don't hang out at beachview ever, so I think they find me anti-social, but whatever, I grew out of all that shit, I don't really feel like being in the middle of a real world episode, and the people at the apartments are way more super chill to be with.

I don't think I've ever been this broke in my life....really can't wait to get paid, and I hope they fix my check from last time. And probably a record for the LHC, I haven't spent a single cent on alcohol yet this summer. Still haven't gotten internet at the apartment...don't think I will. Slowly getting over my addiction to it ;)

This summer I will be getting my wisdom teeth pulled....it's scary. My insurance doesn't pay for me to get knocked out though...so I might have to wait until I can get enough cash to do it....I don't know if I can live with just being numbed, I'm to much a chicken.

now i remember why i don't really drink anymore...i don't like being hungover. I've been smoking much more than drinking, and haven't drank to get drunk in so long that i had forgotten what it is like. We (Tom, April, Wes, Jim, Liane, Andrew, myself) went tubing down Indian River yesterday it was super fun, we all lost multiple pieces of clothing, almost lost our cooler....we got home and were supposed to go out to a fancy dinner, but they ended up grilling out, and I ended up sleeping because I was beat. Today i also have the day off, was supposed to go to Interlochen with Lee to see Bobbie McFerrin, but I don't think I have the energy, right now I'm at thelibrary waiting for Liane to get done at the clinic....I think my meter will run out first..... oh well. I've been very anti-social this summer, oh well, not mean anti-social, I'm trying to bwe friendly with people, just not friends.... I am really craving a starbucks mint-mocha frappuchino however corporate that wish is.

I really need to decide what I want to do after I graduate...grad school, teach?, work? who the hell knows. Right now, I do need to actually start practicing, my chops are getting out of shape.

Shit...i'm so broke.

I thought it'd be safe coming to Harbor...that I'd be able to stay out of shit. Well I did pretty good....for the first 4 days at least. Blah! Oh well, hopefully I'll get internet soon. I miss it. Right now I'm sitting in an internet cafe and I can't get AIM to work on this computer so I can't have any talking therapy. Call me anyone! I need human contact! even just to say hi.... Well I think I'm going home on Wednesday, I have W-R off, so I might as well go home for a night, escape this place. Wow, I want to escape already. Most of the guys seem cool to work with though most are super fratty, and the girls seem mostly retarded, but I don't have to really work with any of them, so I'll survive their stupidity. I'm also doing housekeeping one morning a week, at what I thought was 7 am, but turns out they'd rather I start at 6...which means waking up at FIVE! blah. Why did I have to complicate things....though I didn't start it............did I? Don't judge me, please. I didn't mean to. I hate seeing people unhappy. hmmmmm....so today i have a day off, it's so slow still! well, it will be until the 4th. So I'm just going to chill around petoskey until 5ish, and then go back and see if I can find anyone to do something with.

Back in Michigan. We got done working at about 2:30 on Monday, and I decided to leave. So I left Charleston at 5pm and drove until I arrived at my aunt Carol's at 9:15 am. Granted I took a few 20 min. naps along the way when I couldn't keep my eyes open. But how's that for my first all-nighter. Yesterday, I did nothing but sleep and chill. Today I woke up at 10 and drove to Ann Arbor, had lunch with Watt and Ian at Mongolian BBQ and then went and chilled in Barnes and Noble for a while. Now I'm back at Carol's, going to chill for the rest of the night...maybe watch some TV, and then tomorrow morning, I'll leave early, drive to Rhea's to visit them and my grandparents for awhile, then I'll drive up to Harbor Springs, and relax before I start work on Friday. I'm looking forward to seeing some people again, and really hope that I can have a good summer there, here's to hoping!

Hmmm...maybe I'll watch some Friends until Carol gets home from work.

to end my photo blogging trip down memory lane, i will put a recent relaxing photo from charleston to complete the journey. 

my dock at my camp :)  

nate, senior year and scary 

ahh, my little sister rachel, at her bday my senior year... 

thanks for taking me guys! 

i loved moab :) 

ahhh...beauty 

ah, my best friend getting married! i love you jules and jay! 

pt. 2 

hmmm...i love madison music professors! 

mmm...beer! 

who's butts are these? 

trombones last year...how about random pictures for ya! 

SAI- my first year, think now, I'm president, who would have guessed! 

guess who? this is from my freshman year. 

me! 

Ok. Hi. Well I have 5 days left in Charleston. After I leave on Tuesday, I'm going to drive to Ann Arbor/Flat Rock, and chill with my Aunt and other various peoples there, and then on Thursday drive up to Harbor Springs, where I will commence work (again, i know, i shouldn't be going back for my fourth year....) at the Little Harbor Club. Charleston still sucks, well work does. I like chilling with people, and getting to know a select few better, and going to the beach (my tan is getting to be great!). I'll be very happy to leave though, and I do think this will make me appreciate the LHC a whole bunch more. Though my one true wish is that I could just be back in Madison finishing up my LAST year of school!

For all you who live far away, I will hopefully be making the grand roadtrip over christmas break. Home for Christmas, Madison for New Years, then make my way down to Texas to visit various people, then over to AZ for some family time, and hopefully avoid the other time.....we shall see how my will power is. Then over to Utah to visit Jules and friends, and then back to Wisconsin. So we shall see if I am brave enough for all this, and if I have the money. I also need to take a trip to Philly to see Travis, and so he can take me to NYC. And then ALL OF YOU! need to come to Madison for my "I'm finally turning 21" Party on/around September 28th. This means all of you!

I just blow dried my hair for like the 2nd time since i got it cut, it really looks great when it's done the way it's supposed to be ;) I have to work Brahm's Requiem tonight, but hopefully after that we can play POKER and DRINK BEER. As long as we don't have to work tomorrow morning...still haven't found out. hate not having a schedule.

Does anybody actually read this, or am I just talking to myself????? I know I don't really tackle any deep questions, and I tend to just babble on and on and on, it's just nice to know when people are listening...so let me know!

I discovered the reason in my head why I really like Mr. Big on Sex and the City, even though he's an asshole, but somethings are better not voiced.

If everyone is in a couple when I get back to Madison, I'm moving somewhere else, I have no plans on being the only single person I know, especially with so many marriages/engagements/new relationships this summer! Think before you act, don't leave me alone!

I saw Dianne Reeves, jazz singer, the other night, she's AMAZING! If you ever get a chance to see her, pay the money, she's phenomenal. Since I've been here, I've also seen....La Bella Dormenta (a puppet opera by Respighi), Don Giovanni (which has a hot guy in a speedo), Die Vogel (by Braunfels, amazing opera!), the festival orchestra play shit, and smaller ensembles do stuff....I think I just missed one of the concerts I really wanted to see this afternoon while I was at the beach...oh well. Well i should get my shit together for work...I think we're either playing cards, or I shall read the length of the concert. Later!

Charleston SC

Well I made it safe to Charleston, my first 16 hour road trip by myself went by with absolutely no hitches! Since I've been here, we've been kept very busy. Though I have also had time for fun. I've gone to the ocean, (for my 1st and 2nd times ever!) Played in the waves, and got a sunburn :) I've gone to an outdoor movie, eaten lots of seafood, toured a historic home, and carried LOTS of chairs and stands. There are some awesome people who are really great to be around, and then some really lame ones who I try to avoid. The three operas that the orchestras are playing for are Don Giovanni by Mozart--the set is absolutely amazing! La Bella Dormente by Respighi-- which is a puppet opera. And my orchestra is play Die Vogel by Braunfels, which is weird but cool. I hope that I can get to see at least a dress rehearsal of Giovanni, but I don't know if my orchestra's rehearsal schedule will allow it. I'm thinking of coming back next summer, but maybe trying a different position. My roommate is supercool, which is great, as I haven't had a roommate in quite awhile. I have another day off today! But everything in Charleston is so damn expensive that we can't figure out anything to do. Though knowing us, we'll figure out something I'm sure. I hope life with everyone else is great!

This is Lynn and I, last year.  

I'm almost all packed. I can't wait til I leave, I love how an empty clean room looks. Called Ben today, haven't seen him since first semester, it's sad how people grow apart. We're getting together on Tuesday. I'm going to Colleen's in a bit to do laundry, move some stuff over, and hopefully wash my car. I don't think I'm going to church today, I really don't like how she put the pressure on me at bible talk on Thursday. I was just exploring Christianity, not pledging my life to it, I made that clear from the beginning. So tonight I'll come back and finish my methods project that's due tomorrow, though I really have absolutely no drive to, since I hate Gould so much, and am just glad to have that class over with. I think I'm going to take an Organizational Behavior class next semester for fun. It'll add to my 12 credit load, but that's ok. Well, I should load my car, and head over there, lots of shit. I wish I didn't have so much stuff, it'd be way easier to do all this moving.

Your Birthdate: September 28

Your birth on the 28th day of the month (1 energy) adds a tone of independence and extra energy to your Life Path. The number 1 energy suggest more executive ability and leadership qualities than you path may have indicated. A birthday on the 28th of any month gives greater will power and self-confidence, and very often a rather original approach. Unlike much of the other 1 energy, this birthday is one that endow with the ability to start a job and continue on until it is finished. You may prefer to use the broad brush, but you can handle details as well. You are sensitive, but your feeling stay somewhat repressed. You have a compelling manner that can be dominating in many situations.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Sitting at the keydesk.
I practiced for jury tomorrow, I finally don't suck.
We played football, drank pitchers and listened to jazz.
We played pool, air hockey and scrabble....
And now I sit. Blah!
So much shit to do...
Pack, clean, finish projects, PARTY!
I leave on Weds.
Heading to Charleston,
New people, new place....hope it'sfun
Then, back to Harbor,
Hope it doesn't blow
Hope the memories don't overwhelm
Hope I can forget
I still won't be 21,
I hate being young.
Soon enough they say as they leave me behind.
My tattoo rocks
I can't wait to get the next one!
Lots of pressure from religion,
Though I don't think I believe, so I won't give in

Lots of thoughts, nothing cohesive, it all comes in clips
Glad the school year is almost over
Want to move overseas
Be near water and old houses
I love gorgeous things
Peaceful vistas
This is lame,
Back to reading Newsweek and surfing the net..

Different angle, i'll get a better pic when someone else is around to take it 

My new tattoo...i took the picture myself, so it's an odd angle.  

Nervous....I'm getting my tattoo today at 1. And i can't be a chicken and backout since I already paid for it.

So my mom graduated from college this weekend. It's so exciting that she's done finally! I'm so proud of her! My car behaved great, and it made it back in record time. Now I just wish I didn't have so much shit to do this week.
Tuesday- Conduct Independent Rehearsal, Score Study Presentation
but then I'm going to GET MY TATTOO!!!! and then go to the tuba/tbone end of the year party!
Wednesday- 506 Presentation, Quintet Recital...
Thursday- Finish Class Management Project
Friday- Rescheduled lesson
Saturday- Jury 9:20, then Farmer's Market after Al's jury, dinner party?
Sunday?
Monday- SAI cook PMA dinner
Tuesday-Guy's BBQ
Wednesday- Conducting Final--- LEAVE FOR CHARLESTON SC

Than I'll be in Charleston until June 13th, and I'll drive to Harbor Springs, hopefully stopping in Ann Arbor to visit for a few days....and than waitressing at the LHC for the rest of the summer, like the past 3 years. Except this time there will be no adam to mess me up, only the ghosts.....

I thought I would be up all night doing this project, but I've worked on it for a good 4 hours today, and I'll have another 2.5 free before I present tomorrow, so I think I'm just going to cross my fingers and go to sleep. What do you think?

http://www-personal.umich.edu/~etackitt/ Watch this video, it's hilarious! I can see our studio making something just like it. Though I do think it is a pretty drastic way to advertise a recital.

This is the tattoo I'm going to be getting 

Your Japanese Name Is...

Mika Kawashi

What's your Japanese Name?

You Are 26 Years Old

26 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Your Taste in Music:

90's Alternative: Highest Influence

90's R&B: Highest Influence

Alternative Rock: Highest Influence

90's Pop: High Influence

Punk: High Influence

90's Hip Hop: Medium Influence

90's Rock: Medium Influence

Adult Alternative: Medium Influence

Classic Rock: Medium Influence

Hair Bands: Medium Influence

Heavy Metal: Medium Influence

R&B: Medium Influence

Ska: Medium Influence

80's Alternative: Low Influence

80's R&B: Low Influence

80's Rock: Low Influence

Country: Low Influence

Hip Hop: Low Influence

Progressive Rock: Low Influence

How's Your Taste in Music?

American Cities That Best Fit You:

55% Atlanta

55% Boston

55% Philadelphia

55% Washington, DC

50% Chicago

Which American Cities Best Fit You?

So, this semester. I have met and gotten to know so many amazing people. I am truly grateful for all the quality time and conversations I've had. So if you're one of those people, thanks for helping to make this semester bearable. I had plenty of great memories also, Julie's wedding, Utah with Rob and friends, meeting a whole new group of friends, getting to know other aquaintances better. I know I can be super bitch all the time when I get stressed out, and even when I'm not, so I thank you for putting up with me. Only one year left of college, then it's time for me to move into the real world, or maybe just stay for more school. Any ideas of cool places to move to?

I just wish one of these years I could truly find myself. Not have to hide certain sides from people, and just be completely open with everyone. Although that isn't likely no matter where I end up, it certainly is an eventual goal. Not that I even do it so much as I used to.

I'm sick of searching....living in my head....why can't the path ever be the right one? time being wasted constantly to no end, what is it all for? where is it all going? do these friendships I make even matter....will they last. will they hold through the test of time, or to be cliche are we just 2 ships sailing by, and we just happened to stop for a moment to shout hello?

Any ideas anyone?

Vic questions Sheena about her beauty secrets:
Vic: "Your hair smells fantastic! What did you wash it with?"
Sheena: "Zam Zam berries. What else would a woman use?"

Your Linguistic Profile:

65% General American English

20% Upper Midwestern

15% Yankee

0% Dixie

0% Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

You Belong in London A little old fashioned, and a little modern. A little traditional, and a little bit punk rock. A unique woman like you needs a city that offers everything. No wonder you and London will get along so well. What City Do You Belong in? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

Your dating personality profile: Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love. Liberal - Politics matters to you, and you aren't afraid to share your left-leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate. Sensual - You are not particularly shy when it comes to your sexuality. You know what you like and do not feel inhibited.

Your date match profile: Adventurous - You are looking for someone who is willing to try new things and experience life to its fullest. You need a companion who encourages you to take risks and do exciting things. Intellectual - You seek out intelligence. Idle chit-chat is not what you are after. You prefer your date who can stimulate your mind. Outgoing - Shy and timid people are not who you are after. You need someone with a vibrant personality to breathe life into a relationship.

Your Top Ten Traits 1. Big-Hearted 2. Liberal 3. Sensual 4. Wealthy/Ambitious 5. Adventurous 6. Practical 7. Intellectual 8. Romantic 9. Religious 10. Traditional

Your Top Ten Match Traits 1. Adventurous 2. Intellectual 3. Outgoing 4. Big-Hearted 5. Sensual 6. Practical 7. Wealthy/Ambitious 8. Athletic 9. Romantic 10. Religious

Take the Online Dating Personality Quiz at Dating Diversions

guinness are love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

You are glucose. People feed off of you. You are
sweet, caring, and a source of energy for
everyone around you. You can inspire others
with your creativity and depth, and you can
keep people alive when in times of famine.
People love you...or at least the way you
taste.


Which Biological Molecule Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Moving on??? Well, after a drunk voicemail to Adam the other night, I finally deleted his number from my phonebook. I'm slowly making myself go forward, 'boxing him up'!

Concerto competition tomorrow..don't want to do it, know I won't win, but doing it for John. I'll be glad to have that over with. Hmm...just remembered I have a paper due on Weds, (since I won't be here on Mon. to turn it in) so I need to start researching for that!

Saw Jerry this weekend! That was really nice. Thanks for visiting ;) Got rather drunk on Saturday after the TubaEuph concert which everyone said went really well. We had a pitcher race at the Union (Optimator!) and then Mark/Katie/Justin/Ben and myself went to Portabella for a bottle of wine after that.

Well, I'm up to 18 credits again next semester. But it should be fun, it's all fundies, and methods, conducting, jazz, ensembles, voice, and a WOMEN'S WEIGHT TRAINING class, hopefully it'll help me get in shape, as I've really been neglecting myself this semester.

More later!

GO BADGERS! Man, I love football right now!

Concert band and uband concerts today, fun stuff! Probably won't get to leave humanities, but that's life i suppose. I lost my nerve yesterday, we were doing a high ropes course, and you're supposed to climb up a pole and dive off, and I just started hyperventilating, i felt like i was choking, so I just climbed down, and then started crying, rather embarassing. I just have a fear of losing control....but everyone who knows me..knows that. I just hate having to trust people, I'm afraid of it so much.

ahh..to blog. That is something I haven't done in a long time...maybe it is for lack of time, but probably not.

Life has been....busy, crampacked, stressful, fun at times, lonely, but full of friends...lots of writing and reading, lots of working, and not enough sleeping, full of procrastination, but then getting stuff done early for once...it's been phonics, physics, conducting, and practicum...methods, and quintet, CCE, Uband, Concert band--where i go nuts. Lessons are ok, my tuba playing hasn't been all that swell....I've met some great friends, and feel like i've lost a few also. my best friend is getting married, i'm going to s.c. for spring break, d.c. in january, home for thanksgiving....i have to get my student teaching app. in, and think about whether or not I want to go grad school, I have to start thinking about apartments for next year...AAAHHH!!!! TOO much stuff...I'm going crazy with this 22 credit crap, why am I insane? Oh yeah..I want to take only 12 credits next fall....7 of which will hopefully be an intensive Finnish course. Maybe I'll move overseas after graduation, i suppose it's to early to think, but we all know how I am..I'm drinking starbucks for the first time all year, I woke up early this morning, and my roomie was already up studying. I do love having my own room though, and a kitchen, it rocks! My eyes are still messed up however, from having pink back in august...blah! Hmm...I turned 20 a week ago, not 21, I haven't had sex in over a month, and it's getting to me. But I'm the gal guys are friends with, so, I suppose I'll have to get used to it. Not that you really wanted to know that...Well I suppose, I've unloaded enough random thoughts, now I get to read about everything you wanted to know about phonics but were afraid to ask....sound exciting? it isn't.

getting better. Well...this summer has gotten worse, and better, every other day practically. Right now I'm on a good part. Recently I hooked up with a guy named Alex---the next day came the shit storm from Adam. But then we talked about...became friends, and now we're all cool again. And it's nice to have a snuggle buddy. Maybe it's a bad decision, but whatever. He's all banged up, got into a drunk bike accident, and wrecked his arm and his nose. But he's getting better. I leave here in...16 days!!! Hooray. Work has been nuts, people quitting/being fired, shit getting broke, getting ripped on by members and Donna....just lots of shit. And as the slogan on the tshirt says, if it weren't for the bonus, we'd all quit. But I need that 3000 come October. Kim is at the beach in the Carolina's till thursday, which is great, cause I was able to practice today, and it's so nice not to have a roommate who is always on her cell phone. Pretty soon--it's back to Madison and Lynn! and hopefully our apartment will be jammin'! I need to go out and take some pics (we're decorating in bw photos we take ourselves!) Let me know what's going on in your lives. I feel so out of the loop. It was great seeing you biz!

Miss everyone :)

hmm....so what am I doing? Well, I only tend to post when
I'm drunk or emotional, and I'm both right now. I don't know what
i'm doing...Adam and I are back together, he professed his still love
for me in the shower the other morning.....but now he wants to sleep
alone (he needs to stretch out) and I can't kiss him in
public............goddamnit why can't i stop loving him. After
all we've been through I wish I could just move on and forget about
him, though I suppose that's why I can't--because we've shared so much.
Today us girls decided to HO out...I look hot, but what did he have to
say... "you look stupid, why are you guys dressed like that" but
I suppose that's alot to do with his dislike of anything sexlike--he
doesn't mind doing it, but god forbid talking or thinking about
it. But I'll do it, be with him---when he wants, who cares
about me....because I do love him, and I can't stop myself...and even
though everyone is dowstairs partying their asses off, and we've not
even dented 1 of the 30 packs, I just want to change into my pj's and
fall asleep. while I can be drunk and hopefully not think of
him....I guess I'll just go on flirting with everyone else, maybe it'll
ruin my chances with him, but whatever, I think we've had our best
times, everything from here on out will just be settling. Why
can't I just say goodbye to the memories?

SO FUCKING DRUNK! Holy shit...I smell like so many different guys right now....hope i don't puke.

I think I've figured out my bad mood as of late. I'm lonely--I've never really had to sleep alone here before this summer. I feel jealous of Kim, since she gets calls from people here to do stuff, when I never did, and I've known these people for 2-3 years, what is it about me that pushes people away? And of course then I get invited along, but I feel like a third wheel---or i suppose, technically, a fourth wheel since it is Andre and Chris...but whatever, i suppose I'm not skinny and cute, and that's what the guys here like, and of course all the girls that live here except me are gorgeous and skinny---and I get asked "are you becky's sister" when the oNLY thing similar about our appearances is the fact that both of us are overweight. Goddamnit! I don't like living by adam, I don't ever know what to do, I need to know that he doesn't like me anymore, so I can go on living and not guessing. I need a guy just to help me get over my dependance on him, but i suppose that isn't a solution, I need to be independent, but I miss snuggling, and kissing, and having someone there all the time for massages, hugs, and love. and now i'm making myself cry. Why can't I just be happy? How come all the great guys I know and love have to be taken, or gay, or far away? Why can't I just find one who'll be there for me. I have a need to be domestic, as much as it riles feminists, I love cooking, and cleaning, and having stuff there. I get to see Kathryn on Tuesday which will be nice. I hope others roadtrip out, I really REALLY need you....I miss you all so much. I love you :) Call me! I need company!

FUCK AK! I hate my life so much....I really just want to leave Harbor Springs and never come back or think about it again, but i can't. So you know how AK slept in my room the first night---I thought it was maybe something meaningful, but NO he was fucking drunk, but I suppose that is how it is in harbor springs, he's always either drunk or stoned. and now i have to live fucking next door to him for 3 monthes. FUCK! what am i going to do, i've cried myself to sleep everynight so far, and I don't want to do it for the rest.
I really just want to go.

Last night in the UP until Christmas---it has been restful, but boring! I did make $200 cleaning for my great aunt though which is nice--pay off some bills. I read A TON! of books---over 20 at least--and only went out with friends maybe 4 times--pretty pitiful, oh well. So tomorrow it is on to Harbor Springs-we shall see what this summer holds for me. I hope my bro gets a good roomie, and that i get to room with kim. Later. I don't know when we'll be getting internet, so who knows when I'll write next.

Man...Sheena you really need to get a life. I have done absolutely nothing in the past week. All the plans that I had with people fell through, so I was left with the exciting agenda of eating, reading, sleeping, and watching movies. A lot of time spent talking to my dog, not that anything is wrong with that, I love my dog :) But sometimes it's nice to talk to people other than my younger siblings, parents, and pets.

I need to get out of the house, but there really is nowhere to go, I have no need to shop really---not that there are any decent places to shop...i shouldn't eat, no one to see movies with....let's throw a sheena pity party! i'm pathetic.

On the bright side--my upper range is even more solid now! I just need to start cracking down on the low...the bad part is I always get the urge to practice like now...when my whole family is sleeping, and I can't :( excuses excuses...

So---I don't think anyone from the UP reads this- but if you do, SAVE ME!

So, here I am at home. I've been here for less than a week and I've already read 10 books. Nothing's changed....bought new running shoes this morning, hopefully I run. Went out with the churchie people last night actually had a good time. Meg's wedding shower is tomorrow, and then Erin and I are driving down to Marquette for her cousin's wedding reception, which means I have to find something to wear?!?! I have nothing! We've been playing lots of card games (which I love!) we're going garage saling tomorrow morning. I missed comments before..but now they're back on, and hopefully they're working..let me know if they're not! My grades are better than I expected. I have a 3.8 right now, and I'm only waiting on music history which should be an AB, that means my cumulative is probably going to go to a 3.6! Hooray, I can still not go to class. (I told myself if my gpa ever went below a 3.5 i'd start going to class!) I got an AB in that class I never went to! I love being a sheenastudent :) Call me sometime if you're in the UP..even if you're not! Cause I'm bored out of my mind and need something to do. I think I may go hang out in the video store where my friend works, until I have to go pick up my mom from work at 11. I need to buy white shoes for work this summer, and I can't decide if I should get nice ones, or just cheap ones from walmart or payless...we'll see! Well I'm going to look online for pumas and birkies...later!

I'm the weirdest person in the world. So here I am done with my exams...happy to be out of school. And I'm sitting in my room, and I just burst out into tears...i don't understand myself sometimes.

I'm DONE!! Hooray! Now I'm just chilling, I should be packing...but I'm not. I'm really tired, but want to be with people, oh well...social time will come, sometime? It'll be nice to be home...but sad to be gone. Don't really want to write as much as I thought I did...oh well. later.

So...
I PASSED MY JURY!
Percussion, Strings, Black Music, and Theory are done!

Now I'm doing my Ed Policy paper, which question 1
is 67/1500 done, and question 2 is 657/1500 done! and it's not due until Thursday I'll be fine!

And I'm studying for music history...which is ok. People are coming over tonight to work on it more.

John is copying Blackbird for me! and wants me to do the concerto competition next fall. The tbone/tuba softball couldn't happen, because of rain, but we had the tbones do the toothpick race! hee hee! WE WON :) It was a good time, though Tony didn't come, cause he was with Ho..good job ditching us loser!

Almost done...it's weird, I'll be home in less than a week. BUT HARRY POTTER is on JUNE 4th! I know..I'm a dork...hmm I need to figure out how to get comments working.

Ahh..the new background is Harbor...signifying my summer job..in HARBOR SPRINGS :) Ok...back to more reading and writing.

No more classes!
Kent Night was a SUCCESS!!!!

Now onto...
1. Theory Exam
2. Percussion take-home final
3. JURY--AAHHH!!!!
4. Ed Policy 12 pg take-home essay final!
5. Music History final
6. PACKING

too much to do, too little time.

Things to do for the rest of the semester--
1. Write Percussion paper
2. Write cello duet
3. Plan Kent Night
4. Study for Black Music History Final
5. Black Music History Final--this Thursday--in class
6. Go to Ed. Policy on Tuesday to get exam questions
7. Write that exam
8. Practice LOTS for my jury
9. Music Theory Final
10. Music History Final
11. Drink lots during finals week
12. Pack
13. Kick tbone butt in the softball game
14. Hang out with everyone
15. Hope for sun, so I can study/write on the Terrace a lot!
as for now...I should get dressed and go to the concert...

Recital=Done....thank god. My family just went to the hotel, they're going to leave in the morning without seeing me. That's ok, we spent a lot of time together today. Jo and Lynn are the best roomies ever, they bought me a bouquet of roses :) I'm having a Raspberry Smirnoff Twist to celebrate, and then I might head over to Katie's to watch Friends with her and Kathryn. Not too exciting...but I am so worn out, and just need a couch to collapse into.

Now I need to learn my scales for my jury so I can kick it's butt...and write my perc. and cello things for monday....

ok, I'm out. Thanks to everyone who came!

beige rhetoric

blue adverb sits social construction
it was troped and soothingly metonymized
waxing amazing and gooey
the only lapping rhetoric was the nostril-
magenta remembrance of themes past when poodle howls
beige epistemology soothingly toward blue identity
now, beige chickens by the red wheelbarrow



hmm....bad poem

WhAT A GREAT DAY!!!!!!!!!!!
so..here's the good things that happened to me today
1. GREAT WEATHER
2. Terrace time!
3. Lunch on Janet's roof with good music, conversation and a great view
4. passed my ed audition
5. good lesson and dress rehearsal!
6. found out I got a B+ on the midterm for the class I've never been to
7. and after work, we're having Jagermeister, and Irish Car Bombs in my room before Jazz!!!!!!!!!! wahoo :)

I can't wait for my recital/school/juries to be over! So I can PARTY! I'm going to see if my dad can maybe come pick me up a couple days later, so I have a few days to chill here. We'll see.

Come to my recital...May 1st 7:30 St Francis House, it's going to rock!

I'm planning Kent night...to celebrate, mourn the loss of Kent for next year :(

Anyone want to party during exam week, I'm up for it, Monday, Tuesday, or Thursday!

TUBAEUPH/TBONE SOFTBALL GAME--after juries on Monday, May 10! Should be a great time! we better win!

hmmm...so yeah..I hope the rest of work goes fast, I want to chill, drink and listen to the UW jazz band :)

Take the quiz: "Which American City Are You?"

New York
You're competative, you like to take it straight to the fight. You gotta have it all or die trying.

so, I just went and retook it...to see if I could still tell the truth, but be a little nicer...and I only moved up to the 6th level of hell...I'm a crappy person!

You are 19% geek

OK, so maybe you ain't a geek. You do, at least, show a bit of interest in the world around you. Either that, or you have enough of a sense of humor to pick some of the sillier answers on the test. Regardless, you're probably a pretty nifty, well-rounded person who gets along fine with people and can chat with just about anyone without fear of looking stupid or foolish or overly concerned with minutiae. God, I hate you.

Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com

Man...I'm writing a lot lately, guess I just need an outlet. I get like this sometimes. I'm going to answer Lauren's questions...not many people read this blog I guess....oh well ;)

1. If you could live anywhere in the world, regardless of money, occupation, etc, where would it be?
hmmm....that's a toughie, well, I've always wanted to live on a cliff, and in a castle (or huge manor, I don't care how drafty people say they are ;) So...I think I would choose Ireland (despite all the political uprising) Just because I love the green photos I see....and castles, and cliffs and sheep....now this might change after I visit it eventually, who knows I may hate it....but right now, that's my dream! (and I'd play in a brass quintet too...that's my other dream, though it's not about where I'd live)

2. How many licks does it take you to get the center of a toostie roll pop?
Actually A LOT! It usually takes me 2 or so tries to eat a tootsie pop, it's just too much sugar, so I have to rewrap it, and attempt it later.

3. What's the best class you've taken at college?
I don't think I've taken a best class...I've liked certain aspects, playing all the instruments in percussion fundies rocks....David my theory TA this semester is great, so I'm really getting into Contemporary music in theory, which is something I NEVER thought would happen with my dislike for modern music...but no more! And Botany 100 was great...as our labs consisted of stuff like walking in the woods, eating fruit, and pretending we were molecules :) Hopefully one of these days I'll take a class that I LOVE! Cause I really need that.....

This one has the potential to be an interesting exploratory exercise, and I'm interested in seeing what comes of it. Here's how it works.

I want everyone who reads this to ask me 3 questions, no more no less. You may ask me anything.

Then to go to your journal or weblog, and copy and paste this allowing others (including myself) to ask you anything. Let me know if you do this!

Answers will be given in a follow-up post.

I can do it!

Old friends are so great! Thanks for a great conversation, let's never lose touch again :)

So, tonight Biz turned 21, that is crazy, I hate being so young. Though I'm happy for him, and I drank a few glasses of wine for him while I was writing my paper which is now finished. As soon as this glass is done, I'm going to fill my nalgene and go to sleep! Hooray for sleep, and since I'm going to the SERF with Kim tomorrow night, I don't need to wake up tomorrow morning to go! Hooray for that! And I'm listening to Boyz II Men, I love them, I always have!

Jules--I hope your life turns around for the better, get to know Rob, I think you'll like him :) And then I'll have to come visit you two! You need more friends! Friends are the best things in the world!

Congrats to Jerry and his show and purchase!

hmmm...I have to transcribe a Bob Dylan song for theory, should be exciting as he doesn't really sing real notes. Though on a cool note, in Theory on Friday we're going to play In C, it's a minimalist piece by Terry Riley. I am so glad i have David as my TA this semester, I have learned so much, and really want to know more, he makes it so interesting! Maybe I'll get not a B in theory this semester, though I doubt it, I can always hope!

I guess I've found a way to accept this break up, and now I can live with it. Hooray! I hope spring comes back I really want more warm weather.

If anyone wants to SERF or just walk, or do something active, let me know, I'm up for it all! Or if someone just wants to bask in the sun on Bascom, I'll be there for you!

Night, my glass is almost empty!

Wine and CMT...that'll fix things won't it....please....

So, today was an easter to remember...laundry, dishes, cleaning, john and katie's recital. i wonder if there is a thing with easter and ex-boyfriends for me. Last Easter while walking through Library Mall, I saw an exboyfriend from high school that I hadn't seen for 3 years....then this year, my boyfriend basically breaks up with me. He wants to be friends after what he's going through is done, but things might not change, he has to think....so yeah, the guy I love, doesn't know if he wants to be with me anymore, though he still loves me, his life is confusing....I've been through it before, now I know how hard it was on him...I hate hanging in limbo, not knowing. I love him so much, we've been through SO much together.

Other than that, my life has been ok....I've been sick lately which sucks....but my preparation for my recital is going good. You should be there, May 1st at St Francis House...it should rock. If only I could get all my proficiency learned as well....

I hope things work out....until then, it's wine and CMT.....

procrastinating...like usual. I have 3 papers due tomorrow, for a total of 16 pgs, and I haven't started yet. Man, am I doing great. But I heard another trombone candidate today, Mark Hetzler, from Empire Brass, he was AMAZING!!!!!!! He played Monk's New York Requiem....gorgeous piece! Well...I should try and get something done before quintet rehearsal.

Man....What a crappy semester. So, the other day in my horrible 8:50 lesson, I started sobbing, and could not stop for like 2 hours, so I skipped some classes. and now the whole world is crashing down...I've just got SO much to do that it's insane. I really need to cut things out of my life, but I have no idea what, as I need everything i'm doing. i could not graduate in 4 years, and drop my course load down...or just not practice, or not work and be broke. I can't wait till spring break, I really need it. It will be so nice to be down in AZ with Adam for that whole week! I'm excited. On a good note though, my mom sent me flowers and balloons today, after my bad yesterday, so that was awesome and unexpected. I haven't really been writing much in here...no time. Right now I should be writing one of the 3 papers that are due on tuesday, that I won't have time to write this weekend. Tomorrow I have the PPST test to get into the school of ed at 7:30 in the morning. I realize that my blog is very different from everyone's very intellectual blogs...but this is just a place for me to rant....ok, that's all I can do. later.

crazy...I just got a call from a teacher in my high school, apparently one of my old teachers (drama advisor) is getting charged with molestation, and they're reaching back a few years to see if there's a history....I suppose we all knew never to be alone with him, because he made us uncomfortable, but he never like put the moves on any of us, but it always seemed like intent was there.....this is sort of throwing my stomach in knots...